It’s 10:38pm and I desperately want to go to bed. At over 27 weeks pregnant, my tiredness has stepped it up a notch and I feel like I’m running at ‘half empty’ for most of the day.

The MacBook on my lap feels like a lead weight on my body. Worse is the excel document that i have just created to start putting together a run sheet for our wedding (now only two weeks away), which feels like a lead weight on my mind.

Tiredness starts to win. I save my empty shell of a run sheet and make a move toward the stairs. To my left is a mountain of clean clothes waiting to be folded and put away. Straight ahead are piles of paperwork that needed to be filed away in the new filing unit we brought in a mad rush to get our shit together. Turn to the right and the dishes are stacked next to the sink, begging to be washed up. Take a step forward and feel the graininess on the floor that means it’s time to vacuum.

Tears begin to well up as that overwhelming feeling takes over.

Truth is this feeling has been creeping up for a while now. I’m overwhelmed about all this change to my life and body. I’m overwhelmed about planning a wedding largely on my own. I’m overwhelmed about the change I see happening in my closest friendships. I’m overwhelmed about the fact that my parents are leaving for a months holiday on the very day i’m due to have my first baby. I’m overwhelmed about the changes to my professional life. I’m overwhelmed about buying maternity lingerie for my honeymoon. I’m overwhelmed by the thought that in less than 13 weeks I’ll be a mother to a real person. I’m overwhelmed about the disorganised state of my home.

My name is Renee Howells and I am overwhelmed.

You know what the funny thing is? I’m actually shocked by this feeling – completely floored. For a person that keeps things fairly ‘controlled’ in life and generally just rolls with what the world throws up, this feeling feels wrong. It feels like I’ve lost something…

Nobody talks much about this side of marriage and pregnancy. I’m sure it happens to all women (and men) at different times and to varying degrees. We go so far as to celebrate these life changing milestones with showers and parties that we forget to mourn the things that sometimes have to change in order for life to move forward – the shape of our bodies, relationships with others, our careers, how we feel about our family.

Why?

Why are we so afraid to share our fears and real feelings about two of the biggest changes or journeys that we go through in life?

Is it guilt? Do we feel like we have so much to be thankful for that it would be rude and ungrateful to ‘whinge’?

Is it fear? Are we scared that we are the only ones that feel this way and we will be judged for being uncertain/disorganised/scared/frustrated?

Is it expectation? Do we place the expectation on ourselves to just get on with it and deal with it? That everyone goes through this and it can’t be that hard?

For me I guess it’s a combination – D all of the above.

But I’m resolving to speak up. I’m going to share my feelings and I’ll be honest about what’s going on for me. I’m sure I’m not alone.

But, for now I’m going to bed. I’m going to hug my soon-to-be husband (who is shaping up to be a master wedding planner) and tell him how much I love him and how grateful I am for all his help and support. I’m going to lie there and enjoy the kicks and somersaults that come like clockwork at bedtime. I’m going to tell Dean to stop leaning his head so hard on my stomach (I’m certain he is doing it to encourage stronger kicks). I’m going to say good night to our baby and I’m going to sleep.

The run sheet can wait until tomorrow.

with wit, humour, honesty and a little sarcasm, 28 year old ReneeH shares her take on ‘what do expect when you have no idea what to expect’ as a nervous and excited first time mum…. all while putting the finishing touches on her dream wedding.  follow ReneeH as she shares with us her excitement, nervousness, uncertainty and joy about what lies ahead.

part of our real life. real stories series

see all of ReneeH’s posts here

i think this is part of what makes maternity shoots so darn special.  it’s like the lead up to the event.  it’s exciting.  it’s romantic.  it’s special.  Jen and Brendan are pretty special actually,  and they are totally ready for their little girl to arrive. (well they think it’s a girl.  they’re 99% sure it’s a girl.  the people in the know told them it was a girl!  they brought all the pink things. so it must be a girl…right?)

Jen is the caring, perfectionist, protective one.  Brendan… well he’s hardworking, witty and relaxed.  with a combination like that this baby is going to have the perfect kind of personality!  how lucky she is to have these two gorgeous people for parents?  even luckier is that mum owns a cupcake business.  seriously.  never ending cupcakes.  what more could a kid wish for!  honestly though, although Jen has found this pregnancy to be somewhat exhausting (don’t we all!) she also describes it as being one of the most joyful, rewarding and exciting experiences they have ever had.  so even though Brendan may have to soon give up his midday sleep ins and Jen may have to slow down that driving with a baby in the backseat, these guys are totally ready to grasp parenthood with both hands, meet their baby girl and become the perfect little family of three.  it sounds like a wonderful plan to me!

a little q+a with Jen and Brendan, then we will get to the images!

describe the moment you first found out you were pregnant…  Since we’d had a long journey until that point, I was convinced that the test was going to be negative. I couldn’t believe it when it wasn’t. I screamed & ran into our room to wake Brendan up who wondered what on earth was going on. We weren’t convinced so went and bought a stack more tests!

“baby brain” is often used to excuse any forgetful behavior up until your child is aged 18. Jen, please tell us your funniest “baby brain” moment…  I’d tell you, but I honestly can’t remember!

Brendan, please describe Jen’s pregnancy so far in only three words… Always say yes!

what are you most looking forward to when baby arrives?  First day home just the 3 of us

oh, and i had to share this… when asked if they could be a rock star/ movie star for a week who would they choose, Jen responded with Katy Perry and Brendan with President Obama…  wow, what an awesome pairing.   i’d love to witness that dinner conversation!!!  though, to be honest i had no idea Obama had become a rock star!!!

with wit, humour, honesty and a little sarcasm, 28 year old ReneeH shares her take on ‘what do expect when you have no idea what to expect’ as a nervous and excited first time mum…. all while putting the finishing touches on her dream wedding.  follow ReneeH as she shares with us her excitement, nervousness, uncertainty and joy about what lies ahead.

part of our real life. real stories series

see all of ReneeH’s posts here

 

PART 2 – FINALLY SHARING THE NEWS AND STARTING TO GET OURSELVES ORGANISED

“WE’RE HAVING A BABY!”
I’ve found pregnancy really easy to adjust to and starting a family has been such a natural next step for Dean and I. We are both introverts and keep much of our lives together fairly close to the heart, so in a sense, getting to keep the knowledge to ourselves for such a long time, was really special. Special but difficult… When you’ve spent the night getting up to go to the bathroom and the morning with your head over a toilet bowl, you are not the most sunny personality at work for 9+ hours a day. Luckily, I am pretty good at glazing on a happy demeanor.

One of the most interesting experiences so far has been getting to share our news with the world. It truly was difficult to hide the most important thing in your life from your friends and family for nearly four months and it has been such a relief to finally open up. We had fun thinking up different ways to randomly throw it into the conversation.

Our families have been really supportive and are extremely excited for us. I’m so thankful that my children will have such a fantastic family environment to grow up in. While everyone else had to wait until over 16 weeks to hear our news, I have to come clean about the fact that I had to tell my mum and dad on Christmas Day. Aside from the fact that it was an incredible opportunity for celebration, the lack of champagne in my glass would’ve given it away eventually. I am not known for sobriety at family events. Whatever gets you through, right?

When we first found out we were having a baby, I did expect my sister, who has four ‘energetic’ children of her own, to be my biggest source of support. Until now though she has been largely unavailable, due to her own family challenges. My mum, who has just had really painful foot surgery, is also out of action at the moment, but she has managed to send my brother out to get whatever baby items she’s had her eye on or discovered in catalogues. Thanks ma!

My closest girlfriends are so happy for us and bump is going to have an extended family full of excited aunties. If it’s a girl, Amy has put dibs on buying the first tutu – a boy and it’s high tops.

My colleagues have also been wonderful. They were amongst the fist to hear the news as they were the hardest to keep it from – morning sickness in a small office is very hard to hide and I get pretty stealth at it all. I think they all thought I was dying there for a while and the news was more of a relief for some (sorry Katie). I think I’ve said before that I really love my job and the office full of people in it and I’m finding it difficult to decide what my professional life looks like after baby – I’ll leave it for another post perhaps.

The most challenging part for me personally has been that none of my closest friends are married, close to getting married and are certainly not planning a family – so sometimes I feel like a slightly chubby outcast sitting at the Junction Hotel with my lemonade. I should make it clear that this is no fault of anyone else’s… it’s just how I feel. Having to leave parties  before they really get started because my back is aching, I can’t possibly stand up for a second longer and I can’t handle the smell of cigarettes – it’s certainly a massive change for me! Don’t get me wrong, I am completely accepting of the fact that life is going to change. Some things have already changed for the better.

I also feel like I’m missing out on sharing the experience with other pregnant women or mothers sometimes. I’m really looking forward to finding a mothers group. If anyone has any hints on where to go and meet other mums, or is pregnant for the first time, I’d love to hear
from you!

NOW TO GET ORGANISED…
We are now 23 weeks and I feel fantastic. The main challenge is getting ourselves organised, while pulling together a wedding, saving for our honeymoon and debating whether we really NEED that new car.

HEALTH AND FITNESS
I lost some weight in my first trimester thanks to the morning sickness, but am steadily putting it on again (working with a chocoholic is not helping!). I’ve come to terms with the whole weight gain thing, but to make sure it really is ‘baby weight’ I’m trying hard to eat healthily and exercise regularly.  At this point I want to include a quick side note to anyone with a pregnant woman in your life. Think carefully before you open your mouth. Yes, your fat jokes/comments may seem innocent and light hearted, but they can be hurtful nonetheless.

I’m doing 2 different antenatal pilates classes and love them both. One is the Fit-4-2 class at Pilates for Life in The Junction (Newcastle area), which is taught by an obstetric physiotherapist. The other is the ‘yummy mummies’ class at Fleur Pilates taught by a great girl I met at a FAB charity event a few weeks ago. Both are very different classes and formats, but highly recommended. I’m also trying to walk in the mornings, but with the queasiness of the 7 – 18 week period still lingering for the first few hours of each morning, it has been difficult to drag myself out of the house. Maybe this week…

BOOKING IN
Despite our many trips to the hospital, I am yet to have my initial antenatal/booking visit and am starting to feel slightly panicked. ‘Why don’t you get your shit together and organise it’ you ask? Trust me – I’m trying. I’ve requested 3 separate referrals to be faxed to the hospital – however my details are yet to make their way into the JHH system. The level of bureaucracy and disorganisation within Newcastle hospitals has been mind boggling and if the referral doesn’t make it’s way to their in-tray by this Friday afternoon, I’ll be hand delivering it on Monday.

Also, due to the requirement that we continue our care through the specialist fetal medical unit, at this later stage in the pregnancy we are yet to find an OB who can support us with a transfer from the JHH birthing centre to the private hospital 500m up the road. Everyone
seems to be booked for August, so if you have any recommendations – PLEASE let me know. I know myself well enough to know that spending four days in a shared room would drive me INSANE. Nothing against the quality of care – the midwives I have had the pleasure of
meeting are wonderful and the facilities are fantastic.

SHOPPING!!
Dean and I are steadily making up for not really buying anything in the first 18 or so weeks. We have now secured a beautiful set of drawers, Boori cot and mattress, Baby Jogger pram and bassinet (with the softest lambs wool insert), Safe-n-Sound Platinum car seat, maternity pillow, digital thermometer, snuggle bed, a dozen or so books, nappy bin, swaddle wrap, bassinet blanket – we’ve also welcomed Lolly the elephant and Dudley the dinosaur. Did I say steadily?? What I meant was rapidly.

We spent plenty of time researching hundreds of products online, but surprisingly found most of what we were after at ‘Bubs’ at the homemaker centre in Rutherford. I say surprisingly, because I am pretty particular about what I’m looking for and didn’t expect to find most things in the Newcastle area. I’m also finding lots of cute stuff online, but haven’t made it to decorating the nursery yet. My plan is to wait till we have all the furniture in There.

In my next post, I want to share the experience of planning our incredible wedding. It’s challenging having to split myself between planning for a baby and planning a wedding, but it’s also a really fun and exciting time for us! Stay tuned…

First time mum-to-be, food challenged, pet-obsessed born and bred Newcastle TV journalist trying to find her feet in a whole new world.

learn more about Kate and her journey over the coming months here as part of our real life. real stories series…

38 weeks
Labour pains

Before you get excited, or I do, no I haven’t felt any labour pains…yet. I just can’t stop laughing at a comment my doctor made during my recent visit. He asked if I had any concerns about labour. I said no, because I genuinely don’t (maybe I am in denial) He replied “that’s because you haven’t done it before” and heartily giggled to himself. I’m sure he’s used this line on thousands of women before, but it’s a good one!

I think the people around me might be feeling their own kind of labour pains, or pre-labour pains, at the moment. My husband remarked the other day that I lost my sense of humour somewhere between the second and third trimesters. I tried to object to the comment but I dissolved into a fit of laughter. My mum, who is living in Singapore at the moment, is probably feeling her own kind of pain. Pain that her daughter only wants to talk about the methods she is using to try to “get the baby out”. They include red raspberry leaf tea, copious amounts of pineapple and doing exercises on a fit ball (I’m sure this list will continue to grow!) I have become a woman possessed and I just can’t seem to leave well enough alone. The sensible, analytical Kate knows that there is no hard proof that any of these old wives tales are successful, but the crazy pregnant Kate blindly believes it’s working.  Yes mum, I am aware that the baby will come when it’s ready, but I still want to feel like I have, even a minuscule amount of control over just when that will be.

Just as I get more uncomfortable, it seems the baby is too, or it’s just trying to not so subtly remind me it’s doing fine in there. Its latest method is to stick a foot directly into my ribs, or stretch it out so far that my stomach gets contorted, to the point where I can actually see the outline of a teeny, tiny foot. Its favorite time to do this is of course while I’m trying to sleep. It’s hard enough to get a good nights sleep in between struggling to find a comfortable position within the pillow fortress I have created and the constant “dream pees” as I like to call them. It’s the state somewhere between awake and sleep walking, where, like a zombie I stumble to the bathroom, holding all available walls, to empty my bladder. Three, four, five times a night. I would love to know where all the pee is coming from. Aren’t the thousands of toilet trips during the day enough? It’s sure to be a pregnancy conspiracy; a cruel tool to get mums-to-be well accustomed to broken nights sleep before the baby arrives. And that could be any day now!

Although I am seriously questioning whether I am ready for motherhood. I am ashamed to admit that I just realised that I forgot my first-born’s (Lola the sausage dog) birthday for the second year in a row. I should mention she is only 2, so I haven’t remembered her birthday EVER. Luckily she is the forgiving type.

:) Kate

Lola, the forgotten sausage dog

Kate and i met up for a coffee earlier this week to discuss all things baby related… and a whole lot more about being coeliac, lactose intolerance, healthy eating and zinger burger cravings!

here are a few quick shots of her bump taken outside the cafe… we have worked out a plan, on when the baby should arrive to fit in with everyone’s schedules…  will keep you posted to let you know if it all happens or not!  it can’t be today though, since Kate has a wedding to go to tomorrow :)

from her 12 week announcement shoot, right up until 38 weeks… check out Kate’s journey through pregnancy below…

and then meet her new little bundle, Spencer!

and the little man… Spencer at 4 days old…

and 2 weeks old…

here is an email that Kate sent me just after her last maternity shoot…

Just want to say a HUGE thank you Renee, for capturing one of the most special times in my life ? It’s hard to believe it’s been 9 months since we started this journey and i’m so so so happy with the results of all of photos. I really think every woman should do this when they are pregnant. It’s amazing to look back on and i’m sure in the years to come i will appreciate it even more!
You have been an absolute pleasure to work with, both professionally and on a friendship level. Your work is quick and amazing and i cannot wait for you to capture our new baby when it’s time xoxox

are you interested in documenting your pregnancy journey in this way??  i am currently looking for 1-2 ladies to take part in this project in 2012 so please get in touch to discuss details if you are in the early stages of pregnancy and almost ready to make your announcement at approx 12 weeks…

contact me here ~ i look forward to hearing from you !!

love the colour in these images!  cant wait to meet the new family member… about 4 weeks to go!

the adorable 7 pound Spencer, born just 4.5 days ago stopped by on his way home from hospital this morning…

congratulations Kate and Scott xx

Love these photos so much, and I have lots more to share…  So excited!!

So so excited for these guys, only about 4 weeks to go till they meet the newest addition to their family Some of you may recognize Scott and Kate, who were wedding clients of mine in 2009.  Kate is also the gorgeous bride on my wedding business cards…  We have also been taking progressive studio maternity photos with Kate, and will do the last one in another week or two and then I will share all the images…

For now; a preview :)

To find out more about [beloved] photo sessions please get in touch… the new website is in production and should be ready soon!!!

Things were a little hectic around Hugh’s place just after he was born so we didnt actually do his newborn photo shoot till 7weeks old… Not an age I photograph too often, and he was super alert so we got some gorgeous pics of him eyes wide open and then after [a lot] of persistence managed to get him off to sleep :)  I hope you love these Lauren – cant wait to show you the rest!!

thanks so much Claire, and I hope you enjoy them!

After two overseas trips this year already, I am now a bit more settled and finally had a bit of time to finish updating the website with lots of gorgeous new pics…  You can check it out here so grab a cuppa and sit back and relax and look at all the little babies…

Because I am so excited about all the gorgeous sessions I have been shooting lately, and I have lots of cool new props in the studio after my overseas trips I have decided to offer a little bonus for anyone who books a newborn session before the 31st March 2011.

I discovered Salt City Candles last year and I absolutely love them….  The fragrances are so beautiful, and you can smell them all through the house while they are burning..  I am going to place a new order for the studio next week and so for each person who books their 2011 newborn session before close of business next Thursday will receive a 10oz jarred candle from Salt City, along with some sample baby products from Your’s Naturally Baby Balm.  Pamper pack is valued at approx $40

Newborn studio sessions are for babies who are 6-12 days old, the session fee is $200 and full details are available by requesting an info pack by using the contact button at the top of this page.  I am generally quite heavily booked a few months in advance so you need try to book before your baby is born to ensure I have space to fit you in.

Please note this offer is not available in conjunction with any other discount.

I am already heavily booked for April, so those who are interested and due soon – please get in touch asap.

I would love if you can all share this with your friends :)  thanks Renee

kate at 25 weeks…. so excited to see this baby growing :) :)

eta of baby – just over 2 weeks…

Jess and Greg, thank you so much for sharing your stories and allowing me to capture these photos for you.  I cant wait to meet the new arrival!!!